Chapter.03

February 12

'You are ready to go?' Sydney was asking while closing the door to my apartement.
'Uh, ... ummm ... no!' No, I don't think I am ready. Since he left me, two hours ago, I was only able to sit here on the sofa, drink coffee and dream about him. That's why I'm still not dressed and I haven't packed any bag for the weekend.
'No, I guess not ... sorry.' me now standing up. I need to hurry to the bathroom so we can drive to the sea. I really want to go there. But the moment i crossed his way his hand stoped me by grabbing my arm.
'You want to stay here?' Sidney is looking curious at me.
'No. I just ... I was just dreaming. I'm so sorry! I really want to go!' And after a few moments of silent I repeated 'Really!!!'
'Okay, I believe you darling. But don't hurry - we are on vacation and we have time.' Good goddess that smile. My legs are feeling like some jell-o but I can manage to get to the bathroom.

During my short shower I was thinking about, what to put in my bag for a weekend with my new boy-friend? But, boyfriend is a very strange word to use in the same sentence with Sidney. He is neither a boy nor a friend. He is older than me - to be honest, a lot older. He could be my father - but i don't mind, because like i said, age is just a number. In my world you are as old as you feel and I feel he and me are not really far away by age. Anyway, what to pack in my small weekend-bag? Some negligee? Will I need them? Some elegant, dressy things? Is that appropriate? Or just another jeans and shirts? Well, perhaps just don't think too much about it - take a few things and everything will be all right ... remember, he likes you because you are who you are. And I am the weird not really grown-up-acting women who loves to wear cowboyboots, jeans and t-shirts. So he has to live with that. If he really wants to live with me. But I'll also put some nice underwear and nightgowns in my bag - just for the possibility to need it ...

'Okay, I'm ready to go' me shouting out of the bedroom when he suddenly is standing on the threshold.
'For how long are you here?' ohmygoddess, I hope he is not here for too long and he didn't hear me talking to myself and packing that nearly non-existant-lingery.
'Only for a second, don't worry my dear.' he is whispering in my ear after he took me in his arms and kissed me very softly. On my right cheek, on my left cheek, on my right eye, on my left eye, on my forehead and on my nose.
'You think you are ready?' he's asking me while me looking completely stunned at him. Is he serious? Kissing my whole face but NOT my lips?
'What is it? Anything wrong?' but he is smirking now.
'No, no, nothing is wrong. Everything fine ... Sir' me teasing him 'just take care of yourself and don't overexert yourself ... you know your not ...' thankfully I couldn't end that because he just shut me up by kissing me so intense as if we'd been apart for months and not only for two hours.
After both of us had enough air again to speak I answered his original question
'Yes, I think I'm ready. I have some jeans, sweats, shirts, underwear, bathroom-stuff, my laptop and a book ... anything else I need?' I really hope I don't need some elegant things. That's why I am looking now very uneasy at him.
'You take your computer and a book with you? We are only going for two nights. Are you sure you'll need it?'
That's a pretty good question - of course I hope I don't need it, but 'just for the case you can't stand me any more and I have to go back by train.'
His lips now curling up to a very adorable smile, a smile that brilliant and than ... he is bursting into laugh. Tears are running over his face while he sits down on my bed, because he needs to laugh so much, and me just looking extremely confused down at him.
'Dream on my dear. I'll never get enough of you. Never!' he is telling me between some more laughing. 'But perhaps you are right, if you think I'm too boring for more than just a few hours in a row you'll need some entertainment.'
Oh yes, sure. How will I ever get enough of him. He could read some phonebook to me and I would love it. It's so peaceful if he is around me, just holding me in his arms.

At last we made it out of the apartement and down the floors to the street, where I stopped dead, when he opened the door of his car. Of course he always opend the door for me - he is a real gentleman. But this time was different. Because I thought I knew his car, a wonderful comfortable Bentley we used most of the time the last weeks. But now he wanted me to get into a wonderful Aston Martin. And my first thought was just: 007. What a car! And of course he recognised my reaction because he just smiled, the smile that told me 'strike!' and he managed to ask me in a very boring way
'You like it?'
'This ...' me pointing on the car 'is yours?' while I still stared at the car in adoration.
'Yes. It's mine. It's the replica of a James Bond car from ...'
'Wait ... don't say it' I interrupted him 'it was Sean Connery, of course, in - ummm. 'Goldfinger'?'
As answer he kissed me, he kissed me that way that I forgot everything around me and I almost thought that my feet will just dissapear and we'll lie on the street. But somehow he managed to sit me down into the car. Than he closed the door for me, put my bag in the back and we started our weekend.

During the ride we first talked a little more about James Bond and I was really impressed by that car and how he got it - he's a friend to the movie-company. And Sidney was impressed by my knowledge - I really love the James Bond movies, well if Sir Sean Connery it is.
After we've left London I wanted to listen to some music and I turned the radio on. But that wasn't that kind of music I wanted to listen to, I just don't like charts-music. So I asked Sidney for some CD.
'Sure I have some here, but I don't think you'll like them my dear' he answered 'because they are all classic ones.'
'Really? Are they? And what makes you think you know that I don't like them? I guess you'll be very surprised if I tell you what I like and what not ...'
'So you like classic music?'
'Yes, sometimes even I like to listen to classic music. Surprised?' but when he didn't anser I went on 'I love Mozart, Verdi, Wagner and Beethoven. Some of Bach, Ravell and Chopin and, of course Debussy.' me now smiling very bright.
'Debussy? - Oh, yes, of course, because of the vampires, right?'
'Right!' something we dicussed at one of our first evenings - my love to everything Twilight, vampire and other supernatural stuff.
But now we are talking about classic music and so I told him that I used to go to the opera when I still lived in Germany. And that I've been to Verona to see Aida. And I guess he had no idea about me liking that kind of music. Because he was looking impressed and his reaction was smiling, taking my hand and kissing it.

Anyway, at the very moment I just didn't want to listen to anything classic, so I studied his radio and found out very quick that we can listen to my iPod using the adapter I have with me most of the time.
'I hope you don't mind if we listen to some modern music?'
'Well, depends on the music my dear'
'Hmmm ... I can offer you my iPod - and I hope you'll like that kind of music'
'Let me listen and I'll tell you' at that time he let go of my hand and his fingertips touched my jaw very softly. Something that made me goosebumps. I smiled at him, leaning a bit over to give him a peck on his cheek and than getting to my bag and take the iPod.
Most music I listen to is country, but I decided to listen to one of the soundtracks I also like. And at first he didn't recognise it and only looked curious. I just shook my head to tell him I won't say what it is. At least, while the second song, he knew.
'Oh no. You really want me to listen to that?'
'Yes. That's a pretty great movie, well musical. From the most wonderful director.'
'Sure, but ...'
'But?'
'I am not good in singing. Could we please skip the one me singing ... I don't like it very much.'
'Yes, perhaps we could skip your song - also I think you are great in there!'
'You want to see me blushing, aren't you? You are too kind, and I think you see things about me thru rose-colored glasses.' he's smiling at me.
What to say. Perhaps he is right? But I believe he is a really great actor and singer and there are no rose-colored glasses on my nose. Also I know I loved this song ever since and long before I knew him.

Two songs later we got off the Highway to a smaller road and there we stopped at the next parking-lot. Sidney took me by my hand and we went to the far away spot - there he showed me why we got off for some pause. A really wonderful sight. I didn't know that we are that near the sea, have we gone that far since we started? Had time just flew by?
Anyway - it was really beautiful. I could see the sea and a lot of green fields. There was not one house around. But about 200 meters away there were sheeps and a shepherd. Extremely like some scene in Rosamunde Pilcher, which i hate, but at this moment it was like Eden to me.
Sidney surrounded me with his arms, standing behind me, leaning his head on mine.
'This is the spot I always need to stop. I so love it. It's like entering another world. After leaving busy London.'
'It's so ... so peaceful.'
'Yes, indeed. I'm glad you like it.' he kissing my head, hiding his face in my hair.
'No, I don't like it. I love it. It is so wonderful and great. I've never seen anything like that before. It's a perfect mix of everything I like ... well, instead of the temperature.' because we are in England and there it's not that warm like I like it to be. But still - the sight was stunning.
'You are cold?' Sidney holding me more tight now.
'No, as long as I am in your arms I'll never get too cold.'
While puting his coat also around me he started once more
'Ah, there it is again - the rose-coloured glasses.'
That's why I shook his coat away from me, turning around to face him. I put my hands around his face so he had to look at me - and I comanded him very serious
'Look at me! Do you see any glasses in my face?'
Sidney couldn't shake his head very much because of my hands still holding it, but I felt he wanted to. And he also was looking very serious now, he felt my rage at that moment and I knew he didn't dare to interrupt me.
'So don't you tell me I see anything about you thru whatever-coloured glasses! Because I! Do! Not! I never have and I never will. I just see you as what you are. The most wonderful man I ever met. A brilliant actor and - yes, and singer. A very, very beautiful and caring gentleman. You are the one who made me fall in love with so fast that it even hurts when you are not with me.' and because he still didn't say anything I went on in a whisper 'I just love you ... you cute and adorable fool.' and I let go of his face, steping back, going away a few meters.
All my energy had left me. Suddenly I wasn't sure if I did the right thing. But it just burst out of me and I couldn't stop. Now I was afraid. Afraid that I said something wrong. That i'd gone too far. How could I dare to talk that way to somebody like him. How could I dare to tell him I love him after just a few days. What if he is certain now that I am insane? What if he just likes to have me around? Just as friends? What if he will dump me now? I hadn't the slightest idea where we are, so how will I get back to my apartement? I was so in thoughts that I not recognised him was standing right in front of me again. Looking down at me very curious. Not untill he started talking
'You are done?' I couldn't look up, I couldn't look in his eyes. I was too ashamed now. What had I done? Stupid girl! You can't talk like that to anybody - expect not to someone you pretend to love. But he was still waiting for an answer, so I nodded.
'So, if you don't mind - it's my turn now?' Me nodding again.
'Would it be possible that you look up at me? It's just ... well, I think it's more personal to talk to you directly and not to your back.'
Me now very slow moving my head up till I met his eyes. This gorgeous eyes. And whatever he will tell me now I knew I'll never forget this eyes. It's like him looking right into my soul. My legs must been shaking because Sidney put me in his arms and we both got down. To sit on the earth. Well, he sat on the earth and me on his lap.
'And now you listen to me, my dear lady. I am sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention. But if this is the result of teasing and annoying you I may consider to do it more often.' he smiling at me.
'And believe me, the last years nobody ever dared to talk like that to me. It was just ... wow! I had no idea that you can be like that. I had no idea that you can be much more spirited than you used to be.'
And after a short break during this we just looked at each other without blinking, he went on
'Yes, perhaps I may be a good actor, but not singer! And I also may be a gentleman or just an old fool. I don't know. But I know one thing. I know that I love you. I love you more than I ever wanted to love anybody. And I also know I have no right to do that.' he now hugging me closer to him, kissing my head and murmuring in my ear '... but I can't help it.'

We sat there for quite a while, not moving. Me on his lap, surrounded by his arms. His head resting on my head. When he spoke again it felt like some heavy weight was gone. Some weight that lasted on his heart, that lasted on my heart. Now after that kind of talk we'd been sure to love each other.
'I never showed this place anybody before.'
'You didn't?'
'No. I always wanted to wait for the right person to share that view with me. Now this person is here. Here with me. And let me tell you, it feels great.' and than he kissed me and I kissed him back.