Chapter.02

February 12

I'm sitting on my couch, sipping a cup of coffee. Sidney just left me, he needs to get some clothes but wants to be back in one or two hours.
I should get up and dress myself, but I still can't believe it. I spent the last night with the man I was dreaming about for quite a few weeks. And he told me, before he left, that he will not leave me again, not if I don't want him to. And of course, I don't want him to leave me again - never!

My last boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago - to be precise, on new years eve. Because I couln't stand it any more - that he was away so much, that he didn't care about me, that it was just only he and he and he and never us or me. Yes, that may sound selfish but at some point I decided that it's over - and he agreed. But we are still friends, good friends.
Funny thing - or maybe not - that happened one week before he introduced me to Sidney. They'd been working together for a few weeks years ago.

And I remeber that night so good. We'd been at a Show and afterwards there was a diner. Like I said, we are still friends and so I was with Thomas when he met his former work-mate and his wife. Well, at that point I thought it is his wife. That evening I talked a lot about the Show with Sidney because Thomas was away as always - and I guess he was relieved that I'd found somebody he knows and I had fun with. I just loved to hear Sidney talk. If you'll ever hear his voice you'd know why. And he liked my kind of humor - sarcastic and evil. At the end of that evening his wife invited Thomas and me to get to them for diner the next evening. That evening was some kind of awkward but also really nice, at least for Sidney and me. Because we again talked a lot about all and everything while Thomas only talked about himself and his new movie.

I think it was just at that time I started to deny to myself that there are more feelings I have for this great man. More than just his soothing voice and his politeness and that we could talk about really everything. That we had so much fun together.

Thomas and me hadn't been together at that time but we still lived together. At an apartement we always used when we'd been to London, for some jobs or for visiting his family. A two-room-apartement on the 5th floor. The last floor. Without an elevator. But in this house also lived some good friends of us, so I really enjoyed the time we spent there.

Lucky me, Thomas had to leave the day after that diner once again for some job - this time he will be away for four to six weeks. So meanwhile I can decide if I want to stay at the apartement or leave? If I want to go back to Munich or back to my twin-sis Mia, who is still living in California with her boyfriend, who ought to be my verybest friend, my monkey-man. Well, Mia is not my twin-sister by birth. She is a lot younger and from Norway. I am from Bavaria. But when we are together it's like we are one person, one starts a sentence and the other ends it. We also often say the same at the same time and Christopher, her boyfriend, ofter calles us the Tweedletwins. I know, sometimes other people can't follow our weird thoughts. But we are used to tell everyone that we are not weird, we are giftet!

So I was all alone at the time my friend Jade asked me to do some shoping and hanging out - just the two girls of us - and having fun. She wanted to distract me from being alone, also I didn't need that, because I decided to quit with Thomas and not he dumped me. I never was sad or regreted it. Anyway, I was quite happy about that, to have some plans to do and not only hang around and think about my future.
Jade is orginally the girlfriend of Thomas friend Tom. But also without the two boys we are able to have fun and I was just happy that this will remain. Because I don't have that much friends here in London. All my good friends are at my hometown near Munich or in California. And at this point i serious thought about going back. Back to California. Back to Mia. Back to Christopher. Back to the sun. Back to our business.
Jade picked me up at 9 am, but first she needed to go to her work to get something she left there. I still have no idea what it was but I guess whatever it was - it was my destiny.
Because while I was waiting outside the house, leaning at her Mini-Cooper, there he was again - Sidney. First I was so in my own thoughts that I didn't recognise anybody. Than he really surprised me. When he was just a few feet away he called my name and when I looked up at him he suddenly huged me. Like we are close friends for years. And after a few words, about what I am doing here and why he is here and some 'how are you?' he just asked me if I want to come to him for diner that night. And I don't know why, but I said 'yes'. Don't get me wrong, I'm not that outgoing chatty person and normaly I would never do that. Going to a diner to somebody I barely know. And of course not going there without my boyfriend, well now ex-boyfriend. But I really said 'yes' and he smiled at me, telling me that he is looking forward to the evening.

Surprisingly it really was just a diner for him and me - because his mate wasn't there. Yes, she is not his wife, she never was and she never will be. That evening he told me that she is away most of the time and that they are not really in a relationship anymore for about ten years. They are like brother and sister, and she will finally move out the house in the very near future. Move to her new boyfriend who asked her to marry him.

Tuesday evening he again asked me out. And because I had no other plans and it was quite a long time ago that I was to a Pub I wanted to go to one. And Sidney asked
'You know some nice one?'
'Sure, just one street away from my home is a really great Pub.'
So we'd gone to a Pub. Together. And again, we had so much fun. He was telling me stories about his work and I was dazzled by his voice and his eyes. And he was laughing about my evil humor and me teasing him so often ... we kind of struggled because of our really different ages but we also agreed in most of our opinions.

Wednesday night we met again, going to another Pub. Thursday he came to me and he brought some really delicious chinese-food and Friday we'd been to the cinema.
At the last weekend in January he showed me London - all the places he liked and he told me so great stories - it was as if I'd been there with him, at every time in his life.

The next week he had to work, but during the day we texted each other a lot and every evening we met - at a Pub, a Bar, a Restaurant. And every time he left me I felt like a part of me had also gone. But i still didn't believe that it's because I really like him. I thought it's because I don't want to be alone. And of course I had never imagined that he has any feelings - among good friendship - for me. Never!

Last Wednesday he asked me if I want to come with him to the sea. Because he knows a really nice and cosy Hotel there and if I want he'd be happy to show me that, and the wonderful country. And I just told him that it'd be awesome. I don't know why I agreed that fast - perhaps because I've never been to the sea here in England? But the whole next day I thought about how to cancel that ...

Well - and than there was the last night. We'd been to a Pub at the other side of London - a really great one. With live-music, a brilliant Guitar-plyer and singer. And again we talked that evening about just everything. His day, my day, some personal things and some politics. And I just felt again so save. So normal. I haven't felt that for a long time. Maybe because my last two boyfriends had been so much younger than me and they had other priorities. They'd never been much interested in my work but I had to be very interested in their work. So I just enjoyed talking to Sidney about - let's call it 'grown up'-things. Just like I am also a grown up person and not a teenager any more. Of course I am not a teenager, I am thirty and a bit more but: age is just a stupid number.

And because of that awesome evening I totally forgot about telling him I can't go to the sea with him. I now wanted to go there - with Sidney. Together with Sidney.
When the Pub closed, Sidney drove me back to my apartement - like almost every evening. He wants me to be safe.
This time, the first time, I asked him if he wants to come up for a cup of coffee or tea. And to be serious, again I still have no idea why I did that. So, we had some coffee and after two hours - now it was 1.30 am - he told me he had to go. Because tomorrow we wanted to go to the sea and he didn't want to oversleep. I guess that's why I asked him, while hugging him for good bye - just for fun ... well, i think it was just for fun - to stay.
I still can recall his face, his eyes, his impression - just a few inches away from my face, when he asked me
'You are serious?' looking directly in my eyes.
And at this point I was not sure if he was teasing me. But suddenly at that very moment for myself it was clear. That I want him to stay. That I need him. That I'm in love with him. Something inside me told me that I need to confess this truth to him. That I am serious. That I want him to stay here. With me.

The next I know is that we kissed each other. First very shy, just a very tiny peck but than more serious, while he than was holding me in his arms and at the end very firecy, touching each other and not wanting to let go. Till the moment we both needed some air ...
But still, we just couldn't stop and we clinged to each other as if there will be no tomorrow. Finally at some point we made it into my bed.

Very fascinating, it wasn't sex we wanted - because we'd been talking again. On and on and on ... between a lot of more kisses and hugging and touching each other. We talked about his future, my future, our future. In everything Sidney said he made clear that he really wants a future with me. He wants me to be with him. Yes, he don't want to take any pressure to me but he made it clear, that he wants me to move to his house. His arguments had been so cute:
'It's big enough and you know I am all alone. And, of course so you could stay here in London. You don't have to leave ... well, me.'
And I knew, all I want is to be with him. When I am with Sidney I feel like a whole person. Like a human that is respected. He cares for me, he likes me. He likes me a lot. He likes me the way I am, the way we can act together, talk together. He likes me teasing him. And I like his eyes, his voice, his manners, his caring, his face ... just everything. He is able to make tonns butterflys in my stomache.